I went white water rafting for the first time in a long time with some good buddies. Nothing like a bout with death to bring friends closer together. After the guide mentioned that we could die, as a typical bunch of dudes, we tuned out the rest of the safety speech we were being given before we hit the river (I paid attention for exactly one minute so that I could interject with a joke about the wetsuit being to tight on my ass).
All was going well until we hit the Class 5 rapids and one dude got ejected from the boat. He fell out and got caught drifting in front of our ship. He kept trying to swim back to the raft and that didn't go so well. What he was supposed to do was turn around and float down the river face forward with his feet in front of him.
He might have enjoyed his ejection better had he faced forward and experienced what was in front of him, instead of making hay swimming backwards.
Noted author and psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud's newest book is called Never Go Back. It's about things you should never do again. Tremendous read. Let me sum it up for you: Life Is Meant To Move In The Forward Direction.
You can believe in Darwinism, Buddhism, Nothingism or in God, but the system is the same for everyone on earth and it's always moving forward. There will never be a Flux Capacitor or Hot Tub Time Machine.
As impossible as it is, I am constantly trying to go back. I am Captain Nostalgia. Hear any song from the Sixteen Candles soundtrack and I think about my 6th grade girlfriend (what would have happened if me and Paula Kesterson never broke up?) What would have happened had I not completely botched my secret interview with the most important alpha-underground intra-fraternal organization in college (I might have been a senator in Nevada by now). Every time I watch American Idol I think about how my career and Ryan Seacrest's career have gone in opposite directions since that "what if" moment (long story there).
Sometime these trips down memory lane keep me up at night. What if? Where else could I be right now? Do you know what all the reminiscing does for my situation right now -- NOTHING!
I think examining the past is an all or nothing experience. If you had a traumatic childhood or a deeply troubled relationship you need to visit a counselor and dig deep into your soul so you CAN MOVE FORWARD. If your past is clear of major tragedies or you've worked through your demons, time spent looking at the past should be in short snippets.
The problems comes when we stew on the past and let it creep into our present. The what-if game becomes our new reality. The present doesn't mean as much because we already blew it in the past...or our past blew us.
Life is not fair. Life is not predictable. Life is not dictated by any one person's terms. LIFE JUST IS!
I saw this segment on TV about finding peace and tranquility (which are both hard to find if you're hanging on to the past). Deepak Chopra was asked how he reacts when he's driving and someone cuts him off and he said, "the act of being cut-off was just meant to be."
Ever since I heard that, I've been trying to find my inner chi when someone cuts me off (I live in San Francisco, so there's no shortage of people cutting me off). I figure if I can begin to accept bad drivers as just bad drivers..then maybe I can take that attitude to other parts of my life. Maybe the job I have is where I am supposed to be as opposed to the gig I got forced into taking because there was nothing else.
If I can begin to accept my present, my body will turn just enough so that I am almost facing forward and the current will take me down the river. Then once I'm calm, just knowing the boat is behind me is enough and I won't be turning to look for it.
P.S. All we talked about for the next day was my buddy falling out of the boat. The lesson being, that you'll have plenty of people in your life to remind you of your ejections so all you need to do is focus on what's in front of you.
