The only time I had available to get to Trader Joe's (for our friends west of Mississippi, that's a super market) was an hour window in the middle of the week. And oh yeah, the wife was working so I had to take my three kids with me. I needed to go to TJ's to buy just one item. I went last week and bought everything I thought I needed, but then I decided to double the recipe so I had to get one more of this certain item.
Most days it takes all of my energy just to buckle three kids in, drag them across the city, unbuckle them and then drag them into a busy freakin' store after driving in a circle for 15 minutes trying to find a parking space. We get in the store and what do you know -- they are sold out of my item. What are the odds that on a random day, the EXACT thing that I need would not be there? If you're me-- the odds are high!
You see.... some time long ago when I was a wee lad, some unknown witch-doctor stole me from my parents long enough to throw a "time-crunch" spell on me. It's been proven out over the course of my life.
I always choose the wrong line at the grocery store. What I think is the shortest line proves to be the longest when a lady I thought looked young, turns out to be wearing some sort of mask. A mask that she pulls off after it's too late for me to move. After she pulls off her young mask, to reveal her old face, she asks the clerk if she can pay for her bundle of goods, all in silver dollars! Which she proceeds to count one by one. Some version of this line lengthening story happens to me every time I go to the store.
There are multiple ways I can get home from work, but guess who always chooses the street that has pot hole road construction?
A kid will get sick and barf on me when I need to get to a work mixer (that's fancy for party). And wanna guess who always gets stuck in freeway traffic?
I'm not sure which wise sage it was - the Freakanomics dudes, Malcom Galdwell or Deepack Chopra - but one of those crazy guys talked about this great study. It says that when you're stuck in traffic on the freeway, you only notice that the other lane of traffic is moving faster than yours--when you're in a hurry!
I was supper pissed when I first heard this! I've calmed down since. It can only really mean two things: One, it all evens out at some point. You stay in the left lane and it's slow, but eventually it will become the fast lane. and the middle and right lanes will both get their turns as the fast lane at some point too.
Secondly, and this is the big kick in the gut-- if you're in a hurry, YOU ARE SCREWED and God will bring his wrath on you. I don't know how this Great, Universal, All Knowing Being does it, but sure enough...God has it out for the people in a hurry. Some.... just call this Murphy's law.
So there it is, plain as day. If you are in a hurry, it doesn't matter what you do... you will be delayed.
The only recourse for action is to not be in a hurry. I hated even writing that down. Who in the hell doesn't have time to not be in a hurry?
I will say this. On a lark the other day, I had some time on my hands and went to Trader Joe's with no kids and no time crunch. It was bizarre. I could hear the birds chirping in the store (yes, birds were actually signing). Random people waved and said hello. I ate snacks. I saw items that I had no idea existed before. When I got to the check-out line, the clerk (at TJ's this is usually a fat, bearded dude named Ram) was handsome and witty (his jokes were Jimmy Fallon-esque) and his name was Duke.
I hate to admit this, but maybe one of the Freakanomics/Galdwell/Chopra guys is right. If you're not in a hurry...everything could be different.
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